Tuesday, 16 June 2009
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The Egg and the Wang
Tomorrow, I will officially become an Albaner, or rather, Albanite, eh Albanese….…Albanean?
Whatever, I’ll be living in Albany. I rented a
shittygHeTTo FaBuLouZ one bedroom apartment in the University student ghetto for the time being, as I continue to comb the suburbs for a house to buy. I’m going to need a lot of money to furnish the house and buy amenities once I move in, so I’m seriously pinching pennies right now.“Student ghetto?” Oh please…I lived in Brooklyn for four months, and went to work in a hospital approximately three blocks from Biggie Smalls’s old house. I worked in the Bronx for two years and braved the streets at midnight a few times when I was on call. I speak fluent ebonix, and I know how much a rock of crack costs nowadays. And they call this place a “ghetto?” Hah.
Having done some more research into Albany, I’ve discovered that it’s not as bad as I thought, although there is one thing that bothers me:
Naturally, the first thing I look for whenever I go anywhere is the regional art galleries and performance centers. And this is what I found….The Egg. Whoever the hell brain-farted this disgusting architectural conceit, this horrid blight on the landscape, this pseudo-outerspace monstrosity of a opera-house needs to be put out of his misery.
For fuck’s sake, it looks like that spaceship from Flight of the Navigator:
(Great movie, by the way.)
Idiots… THIS is an opera house:
That Egg thingy is a poor attempt at contemporary-moded archicrapacture.
Free-artistic license in architecture annoys me to no end. It sort of reminds me of a certain building that was erected (yes, it’s a pun. I be bustin’ puns like a mofo. You best recognize.) at my beloved alma mater, Stoneh Brookz, a little something we like to call:
And, as it was foretold in the ancient writings of Historian Bai Qing, so shall it be, that:
“a voluminous stoke of manhood shall thenceforth arise from the loosened soil, and shall reign upon all of that, which is Stony Brook…
and reign upon that which is the cubiod palace of the ill…
and reign upon the windtorn avenue of despair…
and reign upon that spouting geyser of dark blasphemies…
and reign upon thy scrotum of fortitude and of overpriced stir fry…
and, likewise, upon a bomb shelter…
and it shall reign supreme, for thus begineth the WANG dynasty:
...Indeed...
How could something like this have even gotten past the chopping block? I mean, didn’t anyone see the pre-packaged joke in this ugly building’s conception? If you want to build a fucking pagoda, build a fucking pagoda. Don’t build a huge phallic symbol that serves no functional purpose and call it the fucking WANG center, you ass-wangs.
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